When Success Felt Empty: How I Found the Courage to Start Over

Up until I left my corporate career behind, I wanted what everyone else wanted. A well-paying job, husband, kids, a big house in a well-to-do neighbourhood, a stylish car… I wanted status in my career and to be popular with my peers. But it all felt so empty and meaningless, which eventually led to many addictions like shopping, drinking, drugs, and meaningless sex. 

So, I stepped away from the rat race to give myself the necessary space and asked myself why I was feeling so unsatisfied with life. I was doing what everyone else was doing—so why wasn’t it enough?

When I looked at those goals, it dawned on me that I didn’t really want them. Those goals felt as empty and meaningless as the mask I was wearing.

So, then I asked myself: What do I want? What am I passionate about?

And that answer scared me.

I came up with nothing. 

I had no idea what I wanted. I had no idea what I felt passionate about. 

You have no idea how scary that was for someone like me. 

Back then, I always had everything planned out. I always knew exactly what step I needed to take next. So facing that type of uncertainty felt unnerving. It became painfully obvious that the things I thought I wanted weren’t truly mine—they were goals I had borrowed from the people around me, adopted solely to gain the approval of my parents and peers. 

It was such a relief to see that—and to let them go.

There is nothing as exhausting as wearing a false mask and working towards goals that please others. But being the bulldozer that I am, I’m not one to let fear get in the way. So I started to dig deep and pull out the ideas I had always been curious about.

What I faced next also surprised me. I asked myself, Is it even okay to want these things?

I felt like I needed permission to express the desires that lived deep in my heart and soul. 

“Alongside our greatest longing lives an equally great terror of finding the very thing we seek.”— Soulcraft, by Bill Plotkin

And wow, was that ever true for me.

It was a trip to see just how much my subconscious programming had been controlling my every thought and action. I had long ago lost touch with my soul and had created a life based on predictable safety, false normality, and material comfort. But the cost was high. The stress of maintaining that image was unsustainable. I constantly needed to escape—booking holidays to tropical locations where I could scuba dive and rest on the beach, just to feel human again. Just to recharge my batteries enough to return to the falsity of a life I was pretending to enjoy.

All the while, I was ignoring the deeper needs—my body’s signals, my exhaustion, my adrenal burnout.

Eventually, I was able to acknowledge the great longing within me to discover the secrets of my internal world—the wisdom buried beneath the noise, the mysteries of the universe that had always whispered to me in quiet moments. 

And yet, that longing came hand-in-hand with a terror just as strong. I somehow knew that if I truly went searching, I’d find something that would shake up everything I knew. That I would never be able to unsee the truth.

And that’s exactly what happened.

I stood at the edge of a precipice. On one side: the known misery of suppressing my truth and accepting the imprisonment of my old life. On the other: the terrifying, wild, beautiful unknown.

But the whisper of truth kept coming through. It told me to have faith that the universal flow was leading me somewhere—even if it felt scary and uncomfortable.

And then came the turning point.

It wasn’t loud or dramatic. It was a quiet moment—one of those days where the weight of pretending was just too much. I remember sitting alone, curled up on my sofa after another draining day of going through the motions, staring at a glass of wine I didn’t even want. The house was silent, but my mind was screaming.

Something cracked open in me.

It wasn’t just emotional exhaustion—it was soul-deep. I saw, in sharp clarity, the life I had created: polished on the outside, hollow on the inside. I saw how every choice I had made was rooted in fear—of rejection, of failure, of not being enough. I realized I had built my identity around who I thought I should be… not who I actually was.

In that stillness, I broke down. But it wasn’t a breakdown—it was a breakthrough.

I remember whispering to myself, “I can’t do this anymore.” And I meant it. Not in a dramatic way—but in a final way. I couldn’t keep living on autopilot, climbing a ladder that was leaning against the wrong wall. I knew, right then and there, that something had to change—even if I didn’t know what that something was.

That was the moment I stopped asking, “What do people expect of me?”

And instead asked, “What is my soul trying to say?”

It was terrifying. But it was also the most honest moment I’d had in years. That moment was the turning point—not because I suddenly had everything figured out—but because I was finally willing to stop running and start listening.

It was the first time I truly gave myself permission to not know, to feel lost, and to trust that the act of surrendering would somehow lead me home.

I had kept myself small for long enough. And even though I didn’t have a map, I trusted that the far-off treasure I was seeking—the life that felt like mine—was worth the difficulty and sacrifice it would take to get there.

And here’s what I’ve learned: The journey back to your true self is messy. It’s uncomfortable. But it’s also liberating, exhilarating, and deeply meaningful. You don’t need to have all the answers right now. You just need to take the first step.

So I want to ask you:

Are you feeling stuck in a life that doesn’t quite fit?

Are you chasing dreams that aren’t even yours?

Is there a small, persistent whisper inside you asking for something more?

If so, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.

I invite you to take your first step.

Download my free guide, The Path to Purpose, and begin the journey of reconnecting with your soul’s true desires. It’s time to take off the mask—and finally breathe.

👉 Click here to begin your Path to Purpose

Because your life was never meant to be lived on autopilot.